2013 In Review

This post is actually in connection to the last one I wrote entitled “Music of My Heart.” At the end of Ann Voskamp’s story, she encourages her readers to not only fall forward into the new year, but LOOK forward to experiences where we can give God all the glory! Not to-do lists, but give-God-the-glory lists! It made me start thinking about 2013. Underneath all my fears for 2014, lie the amazing and indescribable surprises and blessings God has given me THIS year! Want to hear about ‘em? Continue reading….they’re pretty cool!

  1)   I spent the year watching football and baseball games with my Benamin. We also got to spend time fishing and riding in his new boat. As small and insignificant as it may sound, those were some of the highlights of my year! When we can come together and talk and watch and cheer and dream and
 be ridiculously competitive….it just makes me smile!

    2)      We celebrated Jake’s 8^th birthday in July, and Wesley’s 6^th birthday in February. Birthdays are my go-time for our boys. I go all out and would do it all again just to see the smiles on their faces! This was Jake’s first year to have a party away from our house with friends. We took him and a few of his buddies to the bowling alley. They tore it up, had a blast, and even got some game time at the arcades. To him, it was his initiation into big kid-dom. Wes had the coolest ninja turtle birthday ever! We covered our entire living room and dining room with black plastic, set out slime and empty pizza boxes. Ben even added graffiti on the walls. Loved it! I’ve got to one-up it this year…hmmm…kid wants Angry Birds! (Oh! And we got Rosie around Valentine's Day!)

3)      In June, although under rough circumstances, I was blessed with the chance to visit Alaska. You read right. Alaska! My sister’s family is stationed there for a second time, and this was something I wouldn’t dare pass up! God gave me a wonderful week to spend with my sister, niece, and nephews. I saw landscapes so breathtakingly beautiful that every picture I took looks photo-shopped. I was able to pray with my family, cry with them, help, and just talk Jesus with my little family. God knew my heart wanted to get closer to my nieces and nephews and He allowed that to happen on this trip! I will never forget the people I met along the way, or the places He allowed me to visit.

4)      The boys and I completed our first Fall homeschool semester. This was huge for me, as I just didn’t know what to expect. I cried because I didn’t get to take them school shopping or receive an email from their soon-to-be teachers. But we know they are supposed to be home with us, and are at peace with our decision to continue to teach them here.

    5) This year marked another blessed year of getting to lead and be a part of multiple Bible studies. I never thought I would love any Bible study experience more than my first Stuck study…but God just raises the surprise level with each passing session! Women are breaking free of issues that have weighed them down for far too long, they are falling more and more in love with God and I couldn’t be more blessed in getting a front row seat to watch it all happen! Excited to see what God has in store for these women and for me in connection to other studies! 

6)      Friendships and high school. I was blessed to see my friend Beth early this year, and will see her again next week! We get to visit via text and FB, but words can’t describe how wonderful it is to be able to hug her neck at least once a year! Sarah! I got to see my high school bestie Sarah…while in Alaska! Isn’t that awesome? It was just another hug from God to be able to see her and meet her sweet little girl. High school. I also attended my 10 year high school reunion this fall. I knew I was anxious to see everyone, but it made my heart so happy when the time finally arrived! They may not realize it, but they were and still are missed and prayed for! Once you’re a friend of mine, you’re a friend for life. We had lots of meaningful conversations and took memorable pictures. I won’t forget that time or those peeps. God has also blessed me with the growing of my friendships here in Illinois! Beyond thankful for them! We got to attend concerts, go to the movies, go shopping, go eat, and just have girl time!

7)      In mid-October God gave the boys and I the opportunity to visit my parents for their 40^th wedding anniversary. How exciting! I was able to drive down and throw them a small party. While it wasn’t huge or fancy, it was perfect! Their close friends were able to attend, and we all had a really nice time. (We also got to celebrate Dad's birthday when we came up before.)

While down for the anniversary party, I helped mom and dad move my Mimi into their house. This was very difficult for everyone involved, but an experience I’m so grateful I was able to participate in and help with. We love our Mimi so, and the move has been good for her.

    8)  Time with my boys. This year was filled with Legos, Minecraft, Angry Birds, Ninja Turtles, and Sonic. We can't leave out Star Wars, Mario Bros. Wii, bike riding, trampoline, road trips, skating, movies, party nights, board games, wrestling, and playing with our new dog Rosie. Wesley prayed to receive Christ on December 7th, and my heart was blessed when Jake helped witness to him and pray for/with him. These guys continue to amaze me, and I've never been more grateful to be chosen as their mom!

9)    Ben and I celebrated our 10 year wedding anniversary this year. He had to work that day, so we got up and had a yummy breakfast together before he headed out. I designed a video full of pictures from our years together, and loved so much getting to make, watch, and share it! The next day we were able to go to Red Lobster for lunch…we do this every year and it’s one of my favorite things to do with my favorite person!

     10)  In October of this year…on my birthday (25^th) in fact…I had the massive blessing of attending the LPL with Beth Moore conference here in Springfield. While it could have been just another conference, this was so much more. I had helped prepare and promote and pray for this conference. For the first time in my life I was blessed with the opportunity to be deeply involved in an event that would take over almost 7,000 women’s lives for a weekend! How exciting it was! The surprises God had in store for us and for me personally were unbelievable! Not only did I get a front row seat, a chance to pray over the women, a new autographed Bible, and a sweet card…God allowed me to meet the people behind the scenes of the event, have a wonderful girls’ weekend with life long friends, and meet Beth Moore and Travis Cottrell themselves! Girl sat in front of me! Ecstatic? Yes! Yes I was! And still am! The opportunity to experience God and the Holy Spirit in that way…words can’t even begin to describe! It was life changing! God is still changing me through this experience! He is so faithful! 

I pray this New Year (2014) is full of blessings and good things for your family! May God grow you and fill you as He is so faithful to do! Much love dear friends!

Music of My Heart

When it comes to the end of another year, I tend to freak out. Yep. We’re talkin’ panic attack-mode, 

internal chaos, drive myself crazy kind of freak out. Maybe it’s because I know a new year means a new opportunity to set a new resolution I will ultimately fail at. Another summer I don’t dare buy a bathing suit and refuse to step on the scale. Another year of not getting out of debt or living my dream. The reality is that a new year is upon us and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. I have 2 choices:

1) Dread the new year’s coming and give myself an ulcer worrying about it (which Scripture clearly tells us in Matthew 6 that it helps nothing so refrain from doing so). 2) Embrace the gift of a new year God has given my family and I. Another opportunity to live for Him. Another opportunity to learn about Him. Another chance to witness, dream, and live this beautiful life He’s given! Duh! I want to choose the second option! But why is it so easy to type, yet so difficult to live out? Oh, right. BECAUSE I’M HUMAN! The truth is, if we’re honest with ourselves and before God…you’re scared, too. We fear the new year, are discontent with our blessings, or are at the very least holding on to guilt of failure from this year. If you don’t think you belong in any of these categories…what a blessing that is in and of itself!

I normally post things on FB and get some likes and responses. Rarely do I get questions. My friend Seth asked me yesterday if anyone is actually scared of New Year’s Eve, and upon learning that I am, asked why? I had to think about how to put my seemingly crazy thoughts into words. Like God is always so faithful to do, He quickly gave me confidence to be honest about my fear. That’s right. I’m not a perfect person, and I have lots of fears. He also showed me a blog written and shared by the great Ann Voskamp. Yah, I know right? She struggles with this, too? Yes. SHE’S HUMAN, TOO! Her blog used a music scenario (again, God knows how much music is a part of me).

Like Ann, my fear of a new year stems from the realization that failures, fallen plans, unexpected hurts, new struggles, and unfulfilled dreams have made their marks all over this year. I need a do-over. I need a reset button. I just don’t feel ready to move forward until I can “fix” or fulfill my past year. As I think about the “things” I want a do-over with, it all seems quite silly. For example, I am 15 lbs. shy of my goal weight for the year. Really? Now why in the world couldn’t I have skipped a few helpings of mashed potatoes, or servings of pasta to lose that? Sigh. I only sang two specials at church this year, my kitchen and garage are no where near organized, I’ve yet to find a satisfactory homeschool schedule, we are still in debt, I’m not really eating healthier, I’ve yet to start either of my books, we didn’t even make it out of town for our anniversary, and my Scripture memory goal is far from met. See. Do-ever worthy. Isn’t it?

Just as Ann wrote “how do you step hopeful into the next year when you tripped messy through this last year? How do you stand brave with the smiling rest and ring in the new year when the old year still feels a bit like a milestone around the neck?” She goes on to encourage her readers with an experience her daughter had at a piano lesson. Her daughter (Hope) was nervous and shaking. When it was her turn to sit at the piano, she began to play multiple wrong notes. While she could have bailed on the piece, Hope managed to not allow herself to get distracted from the other girl’s success, or her missed notes. She began to feel the  music. She dove into it as if nothing had gone wrong. As Ann tells it, she moved forward. 

 The music of my heart has been the same all year long. Even now, in the midst of my fear, it sings a song of gratefulness to God for the many blessings He has given me this year. It plays to the tune of a hope in Jesus like I’ve never known before. He gives me a piece to play. When I choose to play along with Him, it can be so beautiful! But it’s times like New Year’s Eve that I tend to put the music of my heart on mute and focus on the wrong notes I’ve hit this year. So much so, that I just eventually stop playing. These wrong notes…the times I attempt to take my life in my own hands. When I try to move forward without God, disobey Him because of discontentment, fear, or selfishness…

Well, as of now the mute button is off! I’m more than determined to listen to the music of my heart! Just like Peter, I tend to keep talking and trying and providing solutions….when I just need to listen. Keep playing the notes I’m given. Move forward! I’m listening to the music playing in my heart so loudly as I write this, I can’t help but smile! I’m determined to stand brave with the smiling rest and smile with them. Not a fake smile, but a genuine know-God-has-plans-for-me-and-I-trust-Him smile! I’m moving forward. I know that I will hit the wrong keys from time to time. This has the potential to be humiliating, nerve-racking, and confusing. But Jesus is the music of my heart…He’s my Teacher. My Teacher Who will forgive my mistakes and guide my hands to the correct next notes. As Ann wrote, “Failing is really a gaining experience. Fall into whatever comes next. Fear is always the first step of faith. When a piece starts to fall apart-fall forward. Fall forward into the next year. Moving forward is what makes music.”

Before I leave you with this blog, I want to encourage you to fall with me. Like a father catches his child as they leap forward into his arms, so our Heavenly Father will surely catch us as we fall forward into His! 

Thank you Ann Voskamp! Thank You Father God! 

Phil 3:13-14

 ¹³ Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, ¹⁴ I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Please check out Ann Voskamp’s blog! You will love it! My explanation of her story doesn't do her words justice! Check it out! :) 

http://www.aholyexperience.com/2013/12/how-to-move-forward-into-the-new-year-when-you-feel-like-you-failed-the-last-year/ 

We Are But A Vapor...

As most of you know, for some reason I’m a numbers girl. Dates just have a way of searing themselves into my brain. And like a Rolodex, each day appears as a blank card or a round of bullet points written to remind me of the goings on or memories of that particular day. On this day 11 years ago (our senior year of high school), one of my dearest friends was in a car wreck that eventually took her life. If my memory serves me, she was working at our local grocery store and headed home in the middle of a somewhat dangerous ice storm. She attempted to pull out of the parking and thought she could beat the semi that was fast approaching her. As she pulled out, her small pickup got stuck on the ice and the semi hit her (I believe he was actually speeding). I have been told multiple details of her accident, but I choose to picture her sporting her adorable new haircut (man was she proud of that) and Santa hat, singing to a local country station, and dash board drumming on the wheel of her burnt orange pickup truck. She was just going home.

I was sick at home and couldn’t visit her in the hospital. It tore me up not to be able to see her, but my dad and sister were able to see her and then report back to me any progress that was made. She lived across the street from us, so we were able to get lots of updates from her family/friends staying there. Brain swelling, infections, and uncertainties surrounded Trista in the days following her accident. I assumed she would probably have a hard road ahead of her, but for some reason the thought of her going home to be with the Lord didn’t seem possible. She was young and had her entire life ahead of her. For whatever reason, God took her home at the beginning of 2003. While I didn’t understand, God used Trista’s life and death to teach me about the importance of living for Him, loving others, and understanding that our time on earth is but a vapor.

I thought about Trista the other day. I couldn’t get her wreck out of my head. That night I dreamed that I had been hit by a semi in an ice storm. I woke up crying, and went on with my day. I had the dream again a few nights later. More tears, still went on with my days. On December 13^th, I left our house mid-afternoon in the hopes of avoiding the expected winter storm set to hit later that evening. About 4:00 p.m. I drove onto an on-ramp headed west on I-72. When I reached the end of the ramp, my car hit a patch of ice and began to slide. First to the right, then to the left. I went so far left that my car did a 180, then landed in the middle of the interstate. A yellow 18-wheeler was coming straight for me, and there was nothing I could do…except pray! I calmly, yet loudly said “Jesus! I don’t know what to do. What do you want me to do? Jesus?” The semi could see me from quite a ways, so he was able to slow somewhat. However, he couldn’t slow entirely because of the ice. As I waited to hear from God the semi’s front left collided with my rear left tire. It drug me for a bit, and then pushed me safely to the side of the road. At the end of the whole ordeal I found myself in the median, with my bumper completely ripped off. But I was OK! Although my left hip and side were sore, I was OK. Familiar faces and voices and local authorities soon arrived. We were able to eventually drive our car home, and the other driver was just fine. What a blessing!

But what about the dream? I continued to focus on that for days following my accident. Especially since this is not the first time my dreams have become a reality. I never get a full picture, but they are usually clear. Not all of them come true, but when they do it tends to freak me out. Why did I see what happened? Would people think I’m crazy if I say it out loud? Would they believe me? Should I even care if they didn’t believe me? One night as we prayed together before bedtime, our oldest son Jake explained to me that everything that happened that night was familiar to him. I asked him what he meant by that, and he went on to explain that he had a dream of all that had happened. He had dreamed that I was in a wreck. Hit by a semi. More tears in private. The next day I couldn’t keep it inside any longer, so I told my family how I had dreamed the same dream. While I stood there spinning and screaming in my head, our six-year-old calmly stood beside me and made the sweetest statement. “Mom, maybe God just let you and Jake dream dreams like Joseph.” Such a simple and brilliant explanation coming from such a wise young man. I will say, that my dream actually seemed to help keep me calm during the wreck. It was as if I trusted God enough to know His Will was going to be done. I trusted Him in the middle of the chaos. So thankful.

 This week at church our pastor gave a sermon about angels in Heaven. We celebrated the Advent of Joy and discussed these mysterious beings. I recently read Billy Graham’s book Angels and loved every page! How fascinating it is to study them! There is no doubt in my mind that God used His angel (s) to move me to the median of that interstate. No doubt at all. Even the police struggled to understand how I ended up where I ended up with so little damage done to my car. God protected me and I am so grateful! It started making me ask the question why I was protected and Trista wasn’t all those years ago? He loves us just the same. He made both of us in His image. Christ saved both of us on the cross at Calvary. While I don’t have an answer on this side of Heaven, I thank Him for the time Trista was here. I thank Him for her friendship. And today I thank Him for His protection. Today I feel even more of an urgency and a calling to go and tell the world the good news. Go and tell them about Jesus! So this Christmas, tell the Gospel. Love people to the Lord! We are but a vapor…

                                                    Love and Miss you Trista Nicole Green!