2013 In Review

This post is actually in connection to the last one I wrote entitled “Music of My Heart.” At the end of Ann Voskamp’s story, she encourages her readers to not only fall forward into the new year, but LOOK forward to experiences where we can give God all the glory! Not to-do lists, but give-God-the-glory lists! It made me start thinking about 2013. Underneath all my fears for 2014, lie the amazing and indescribable surprises and blessings God has given me THIS year! Want to hear about ‘em? Continue reading….they’re pretty cool!

  1)   I spent the year watching football and baseball games with my Benamin. We also got to spend time fishing and riding in his new boat. As small and insignificant as it may sound, those were some of the highlights of my year! When we can come together and talk and watch and cheer and dream and
 be ridiculously competitive….it just makes me smile!

    2)      We celebrated Jake’s 8^th birthday in July, and Wesley’s 6^th birthday in February. Birthdays are my go-time for our boys. I go all out and would do it all again just to see the smiles on their faces! This was Jake’s first year to have a party away from our house with friends. We took him and a few of his buddies to the bowling alley. They tore it up, had a blast, and even got some game time at the arcades. To him, it was his initiation into big kid-dom. Wes had the coolest ninja turtle birthday ever! We covered our entire living room and dining room with black plastic, set out slime and empty pizza boxes. Ben even added graffiti on the walls. Loved it! I’ve got to one-up it this year…hmmm…kid wants Angry Birds! (Oh! And we got Rosie around Valentine's Day!)

3)      In June, although under rough circumstances, I was blessed with the chance to visit Alaska. You read right. Alaska! My sister’s family is stationed there for a second time, and this was something I wouldn’t dare pass up! God gave me a wonderful week to spend with my sister, niece, and nephews. I saw landscapes so breathtakingly beautiful that every picture I took looks photo-shopped. I was able to pray with my family, cry with them, help, and just talk Jesus with my little family. God knew my heart wanted to get closer to my nieces and nephews and He allowed that to happen on this trip! I will never forget the people I met along the way, or the places He allowed me to visit.

4)      The boys and I completed our first Fall homeschool semester. This was huge for me, as I just didn’t know what to expect. I cried because I didn’t get to take them school shopping or receive an email from their soon-to-be teachers. But we know they are supposed to be home with us, and are at peace with our decision to continue to teach them here.

    5) This year marked another blessed year of getting to lead and be a part of multiple Bible studies. I never thought I would love any Bible study experience more than my first Stuck study…but God just raises the surprise level with each passing session! Women are breaking free of issues that have weighed them down for far too long, they are falling more and more in love with God and I couldn’t be more blessed in getting a front row seat to watch it all happen! Excited to see what God has in store for these women and for me in connection to other studies! 

6)      Friendships and high school. I was blessed to see my friend Beth early this year, and will see her again next week! We get to visit via text and FB, but words can’t describe how wonderful it is to be able to hug her neck at least once a year! Sarah! I got to see my high school bestie Sarah…while in Alaska! Isn’t that awesome? It was just another hug from God to be able to see her and meet her sweet little girl. High school. I also attended my 10 year high school reunion this fall. I knew I was anxious to see everyone, but it made my heart so happy when the time finally arrived! They may not realize it, but they were and still are missed and prayed for! Once you’re a friend of mine, you’re a friend for life. We had lots of meaningful conversations and took memorable pictures. I won’t forget that time or those peeps. God has also blessed me with the growing of my friendships here in Illinois! Beyond thankful for them! We got to attend concerts, go to the movies, go shopping, go eat, and just have girl time!

7)      In mid-October God gave the boys and I the opportunity to visit my parents for their 40^th wedding anniversary. How exciting! I was able to drive down and throw them a small party. While it wasn’t huge or fancy, it was perfect! Their close friends were able to attend, and we all had a really nice time. (We also got to celebrate Dad's birthday when we came up before.)

While down for the anniversary party, I helped mom and dad move my Mimi into their house. This was very difficult for everyone involved, but an experience I’m so grateful I was able to participate in and help with. We love our Mimi so, and the move has been good for her.

    8)  Time with my boys. This year was filled with Legos, Minecraft, Angry Birds, Ninja Turtles, and Sonic. We can't leave out Star Wars, Mario Bros. Wii, bike riding, trampoline, road trips, skating, movies, party nights, board games, wrestling, and playing with our new dog Rosie. Wesley prayed to receive Christ on December 7th, and my heart was blessed when Jake helped witness to him and pray for/with him. These guys continue to amaze me, and I've never been more grateful to be chosen as their mom!

9)    Ben and I celebrated our 10 year wedding anniversary this year. He had to work that day, so we got up and had a yummy breakfast together before he headed out. I designed a video full of pictures from our years together, and loved so much getting to make, watch, and share it! The next day we were able to go to Red Lobster for lunch…we do this every year and it’s one of my favorite things to do with my favorite person!

     10)  In October of this year…on my birthday (25^th) in fact…I had the massive blessing of attending the LPL with Beth Moore conference here in Springfield. While it could have been just another conference, this was so much more. I had helped prepare and promote and pray for this conference. For the first time in my life I was blessed with the opportunity to be deeply involved in an event that would take over almost 7,000 women’s lives for a weekend! How exciting it was! The surprises God had in store for us and for me personally were unbelievable! Not only did I get a front row seat, a chance to pray over the women, a new autographed Bible, and a sweet card…God allowed me to meet the people behind the scenes of the event, have a wonderful girls’ weekend with life long friends, and meet Beth Moore and Travis Cottrell themselves! Girl sat in front of me! Ecstatic? Yes! Yes I was! And still am! The opportunity to experience God and the Holy Spirit in that way…words can’t even begin to describe! It was life changing! God is still changing me through this experience! He is so faithful! 

I pray this New Year (2014) is full of blessings and good things for your family! May God grow you and fill you as He is so faithful to do! Much love dear friends!

Music of My Heart

When it comes to the end of another year, I tend to freak out. Yep. We’re talkin’ panic attack-mode, 

internal chaos, drive myself crazy kind of freak out. Maybe it’s because I know a new year means a new opportunity to set a new resolution I will ultimately fail at. Another summer I don’t dare buy a bathing suit and refuse to step on the scale. Another year of not getting out of debt or living my dream. The reality is that a new year is upon us and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. I have 2 choices:

1) Dread the new year’s coming and give myself an ulcer worrying about it (which Scripture clearly tells us in Matthew 6 that it helps nothing so refrain from doing so). 2) Embrace the gift of a new year God has given my family and I. Another opportunity to live for Him. Another opportunity to learn about Him. Another chance to witness, dream, and live this beautiful life He’s given! Duh! I want to choose the second option! But why is it so easy to type, yet so difficult to live out? Oh, right. BECAUSE I’M HUMAN! The truth is, if we’re honest with ourselves and before God…you’re scared, too. We fear the new year, are discontent with our blessings, or are at the very least holding on to guilt of failure from this year. If you don’t think you belong in any of these categories…what a blessing that is in and of itself!

I normally post things on FB and get some likes and responses. Rarely do I get questions. My friend Seth asked me yesterday if anyone is actually scared of New Year’s Eve, and upon learning that I am, asked why? I had to think about how to put my seemingly crazy thoughts into words. Like God is always so faithful to do, He quickly gave me confidence to be honest about my fear. That’s right. I’m not a perfect person, and I have lots of fears. He also showed me a blog written and shared by the great Ann Voskamp. Yah, I know right? She struggles with this, too? Yes. SHE’S HUMAN, TOO! Her blog used a music scenario (again, God knows how much music is a part of me).

Like Ann, my fear of a new year stems from the realization that failures, fallen plans, unexpected hurts, new struggles, and unfulfilled dreams have made their marks all over this year. I need a do-over. I need a reset button. I just don’t feel ready to move forward until I can “fix” or fulfill my past year. As I think about the “things” I want a do-over with, it all seems quite silly. For example, I am 15 lbs. shy of my goal weight for the year. Really? Now why in the world couldn’t I have skipped a few helpings of mashed potatoes, or servings of pasta to lose that? Sigh. I only sang two specials at church this year, my kitchen and garage are no where near organized, I’ve yet to find a satisfactory homeschool schedule, we are still in debt, I’m not really eating healthier, I’ve yet to start either of my books, we didn’t even make it out of town for our anniversary, and my Scripture memory goal is far from met. See. Do-ever worthy. Isn’t it?

Just as Ann wrote “how do you step hopeful into the next year when you tripped messy through this last year? How do you stand brave with the smiling rest and ring in the new year when the old year still feels a bit like a milestone around the neck?” She goes on to encourage her readers with an experience her daughter had at a piano lesson. Her daughter (Hope) was nervous and shaking. When it was her turn to sit at the piano, she began to play multiple wrong notes. While she could have bailed on the piece, Hope managed to not allow herself to get distracted from the other girl’s success, or her missed notes. She began to feel the  music. She dove into it as if nothing had gone wrong. As Ann tells it, she moved forward. 

 The music of my heart has been the same all year long. Even now, in the midst of my fear, it sings a song of gratefulness to God for the many blessings He has given me this year. It plays to the tune of a hope in Jesus like I’ve never known before. He gives me a piece to play. When I choose to play along with Him, it can be so beautiful! But it’s times like New Year’s Eve that I tend to put the music of my heart on mute and focus on the wrong notes I’ve hit this year. So much so, that I just eventually stop playing. These wrong notes…the times I attempt to take my life in my own hands. When I try to move forward without God, disobey Him because of discontentment, fear, or selfishness…

Well, as of now the mute button is off! I’m more than determined to listen to the music of my heart! Just like Peter, I tend to keep talking and trying and providing solutions….when I just need to listen. Keep playing the notes I’m given. Move forward! I’m listening to the music playing in my heart so loudly as I write this, I can’t help but smile! I’m determined to stand brave with the smiling rest and smile with them. Not a fake smile, but a genuine know-God-has-plans-for-me-and-I-trust-Him smile! I’m moving forward. I know that I will hit the wrong keys from time to time. This has the potential to be humiliating, nerve-racking, and confusing. But Jesus is the music of my heart…He’s my Teacher. My Teacher Who will forgive my mistakes and guide my hands to the correct next notes. As Ann wrote, “Failing is really a gaining experience. Fall into whatever comes next. Fear is always the first step of faith. When a piece starts to fall apart-fall forward. Fall forward into the next year. Moving forward is what makes music.”

Before I leave you with this blog, I want to encourage you to fall with me. Like a father catches his child as they leap forward into his arms, so our Heavenly Father will surely catch us as we fall forward into His! 

Thank you Ann Voskamp! Thank You Father God! 

Phil 3:13-14

 ¹³ Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, ¹⁴ I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Please check out Ann Voskamp’s blog! You will love it! My explanation of her story doesn't do her words justice! Check it out! :) 

http://www.aholyexperience.com/2013/12/how-to-move-forward-into-the-new-year-when-you-feel-like-you-failed-the-last-year/ 

We Are But A Vapor...

As most of you know, for some reason I’m a numbers girl. Dates just have a way of searing themselves into my brain. And like a Rolodex, each day appears as a blank card or a round of bullet points written to remind me of the goings on or memories of that particular day. On this day 11 years ago (our senior year of high school), one of my dearest friends was in a car wreck that eventually took her life. If my memory serves me, she was working at our local grocery store and headed home in the middle of a somewhat dangerous ice storm. She attempted to pull out of the parking and thought she could beat the semi that was fast approaching her. As she pulled out, her small pickup got stuck on the ice and the semi hit her (I believe he was actually speeding). I have been told multiple details of her accident, but I choose to picture her sporting her adorable new haircut (man was she proud of that) and Santa hat, singing to a local country station, and dash board drumming on the wheel of her burnt orange pickup truck. She was just going home.

I was sick at home and couldn’t visit her in the hospital. It tore me up not to be able to see her, but my dad and sister were able to see her and then report back to me any progress that was made. She lived across the street from us, so we were able to get lots of updates from her family/friends staying there. Brain swelling, infections, and uncertainties surrounded Trista in the days following her accident. I assumed she would probably have a hard road ahead of her, but for some reason the thought of her going home to be with the Lord didn’t seem possible. She was young and had her entire life ahead of her. For whatever reason, God took her home at the beginning of 2003. While I didn’t understand, God used Trista’s life and death to teach me about the importance of living for Him, loving others, and understanding that our time on earth is but a vapor.

I thought about Trista the other day. I couldn’t get her wreck out of my head. That night I dreamed that I had been hit by a semi in an ice storm. I woke up crying, and went on with my day. I had the dream again a few nights later. More tears, still went on with my days. On December 13^th, I left our house mid-afternoon in the hopes of avoiding the expected winter storm set to hit later that evening. About 4:00 p.m. I drove onto an on-ramp headed west on I-72. When I reached the end of the ramp, my car hit a patch of ice and began to slide. First to the right, then to the left. I went so far left that my car did a 180, then landed in the middle of the interstate. A yellow 18-wheeler was coming straight for me, and there was nothing I could do…except pray! I calmly, yet loudly said “Jesus! I don’t know what to do. What do you want me to do? Jesus?” The semi could see me from quite a ways, so he was able to slow somewhat. However, he couldn’t slow entirely because of the ice. As I waited to hear from God the semi’s front left collided with my rear left tire. It drug me for a bit, and then pushed me safely to the side of the road. At the end of the whole ordeal I found myself in the median, with my bumper completely ripped off. But I was OK! Although my left hip and side were sore, I was OK. Familiar faces and voices and local authorities soon arrived. We were able to eventually drive our car home, and the other driver was just fine. What a blessing!

But what about the dream? I continued to focus on that for days following my accident. Especially since this is not the first time my dreams have become a reality. I never get a full picture, but they are usually clear. Not all of them come true, but when they do it tends to freak me out. Why did I see what happened? Would people think I’m crazy if I say it out loud? Would they believe me? Should I even care if they didn’t believe me? One night as we prayed together before bedtime, our oldest son Jake explained to me that everything that happened that night was familiar to him. I asked him what he meant by that, and he went on to explain that he had a dream of all that had happened. He had dreamed that I was in a wreck. Hit by a semi. More tears in private. The next day I couldn’t keep it inside any longer, so I told my family how I had dreamed the same dream. While I stood there spinning and screaming in my head, our six-year-old calmly stood beside me and made the sweetest statement. “Mom, maybe God just let you and Jake dream dreams like Joseph.” Such a simple and brilliant explanation coming from such a wise young man. I will say, that my dream actually seemed to help keep me calm during the wreck. It was as if I trusted God enough to know His Will was going to be done. I trusted Him in the middle of the chaos. So thankful.

 This week at church our pastor gave a sermon about angels in Heaven. We celebrated the Advent of Joy and discussed these mysterious beings. I recently read Billy Graham’s book Angels and loved every page! How fascinating it is to study them! There is no doubt in my mind that God used His angel (s) to move me to the median of that interstate. No doubt at all. Even the police struggled to understand how I ended up where I ended up with so little damage done to my car. God protected me and I am so grateful! It started making me ask the question why I was protected and Trista wasn’t all those years ago? He loves us just the same. He made both of us in His image. Christ saved both of us on the cross at Calvary. While I don’t have an answer on this side of Heaven, I thank Him for the time Trista was here. I thank Him for her friendship. And today I thank Him for His protection. Today I feel even more of an urgency and a calling to go and tell the world the good news. Go and tell them about Jesus! So this Christmas, tell the Gospel. Love people to the Lord! We are but a vapor…

                                                    Love and Miss you Trista Nicole Green!

Go Time

My head is spinning right now. But like, in a good way?! You know the feeling you get when you drink too much caffeine and you can't calm down? Or how your body shakes when your name is being called next to get up in front of people, receive an award, or tell something about yourself in a Bible Study group? That's how I'm feeling at this very moment. I have butterflies in my stomach, a lump in my throat, tears waiting for their cue to pour down my cheeks, and hands trembling so bad it's amazing I'm able to type this. Why? Well I'm so glad you asked...

I'm supposed to speak. Yep. As in speak to small and large groups of women all over this wonderful country of ours. God laid it on my heart a few years ago, I can see the preparation He has given (and continues to give) me, and it's about go time. I feel like I have one problem though. I am not the author of a well-known, best selling book, and I don't have a particular platform to promote. Well, except the most important book and the most important platform. Jesus. That's what God has called me to speak about. To tell women who are hurting and stuck and unsure that there is HOPE! In HIM! This is such an exciting and yet oh so scary thing for me. I'm doing my best to trust God in each speaking engagement, and surrender my time and energy and life to Him as He continues to equip this small town-still lots to learn-mother of two. Please pray with me. For me. Pray that I will surrender FULLY to Him, that HIS WILL is done, and that every time I open my mouth it brings glory to His Name. It furthers His kingdom. It encourages, builds up, and shows another person Jesus. This is a tall order. I know without Him I can do nothing, but through Him I can do all things (Phil 4:13). I'm scared. But I'm READY.  I'm ready to make friends with those butterflies in my stomach!

God has blessed me with the opportunity to speak at our Night of Worship to be held October 10th at Chatham Baptist Church. I pray you will attend if you are able. Maybe I will see you all in your churches one day, where we can dig into God's Word together! I would really love to pray about that if you're interested! I'm so thankful He holds us in His hands. Lead me Lord....where You lead I will follow...trusting You all the way!

 <3 Summer

Wait With Me A While. I Have Much To Tell You.

Wait with Me a while. I have much to tell you. These are the words I read and at the same time heard the voice of my Heavenly Father speak to me a few short weeks ago. 

I came into my bedroom, sat in the small corner of my closet and sobbed. My heart was heavy, my eyes growing ever so puffy, and my body tired and incapable of movement. I was angry at the evil that decided to rear its ugly head in my life, shaken by the reality of its presence, and hurt at the thought of it changing the course of my life. I cried out to Jesus to take whatever it was that had a hold over my body, my family, my world. Please take this! My heart kept screaming. But the hurt remained. I pulled myself out of my tiny closet, sat on the edge of my bed and picked up my book Jesus Calling by Sarah Young.

Wait with Me a while. I have much to tell you.

By the time I sat on my bed, a fog washed over my brain and my eyes had all but run out of tears. I was numb. My lips wanted to cry out to God again and again, but my body just sat there…frozen. My mind slowly began to spin over things from my past. Things that were going on in my life at that very moment and what these things could mean for my future. The thoughts began to spin so fast I became nauseous.

Wait with Me a while. I have much to tell you.

I had been begging God for an hour to take this hurt from me. Pleading with Him to give me peace. What I didn’t realize was that He had given me the answer the second I opened my book, but I chose to stay in my chaos instead of be still and listen.

Wait with Me a while. I have much to tell you.

Once again I sat in my closet, closed my eyes, and pretended to be sitting next to Jesus. Sometimes I picture us meeting daily at the top of a hill, under the shade of an old oak tree. There are days I run to Him, give Him a big hug and never take a breath as I tell Him about my day. Then there are days my body lacks the strength to climb. He meets me where I am and helps me to the shade. There have been many days when He’s had to carry me up the hill, because my legs weren’t able. Some days we laugh and He glows from the excitement He hears in my voice. Other days He holds me in His arms as I cry, or is gracious to listen to me as I vent my frustrations. But each day, He is there. I see His face and hear His voice tell me to wait with Him for a while, for He has much to tell me.

Sometimes what He tells me brings me great joy, and I want to fall at His feet in thankfulness. Other times I am brought to my knees in acknowledgment of just how much I need His comfort and strength. 

I know with certainty that I am walking the path He has chosen for me to walk. I believe with everything in me that He is guiding me, and that He will keep His covenant of love with His servant who continues wholeheartedly in His way (I Kings 8:23). I don’t know what tomorrow holds, but I know that I trust Him. So even as the role He has for me continues to become more difficult, it’s my prayer that my faith in Him is strengthened. It’s my prayer that I will remember to be still. Just be still and listen. Waiting with Him for a while. He has much to tell me.

I would like to encourage you as you walk today. Seek Him. Ask Him to reveal the path of Life He has for you, and stay on it. Allow His Spirit to fill you with indescribable peace and joy! Are you being still? Are you listening to Him as He speaks to you?

                                       Wait with me for a while. I have much to tell you. <3

<3 Summer

Secretly Wonderful

Basically, this blog is being written as a big ‘ole THANK YOU. A few weeks ago we celebrated EMS week. Fireworks were displayed, honorary dinners were held, gifts poured in. marquis signs were lit up, hands were shaken, backs were patted, smiles were exchanged, and pictures supporting our EMS family bombarded the message boards of social media across the country. Did you see those things? I didn’t either. I did hear of a luncheon or two some employers held for their employees, so I think that’s wonderful. I may seem like I’m on the verge of a rant right now, but I’m not. The truth is, I didn’t even thank my own paramedic husband for his service. He casually reminded me of EMS week a few times in conversation, but even then I didn’t mouth the words thank you. I had the intention of giving him a shout out via Facebook and Twitter, but in the craziness of my life I let it pass by. I didn’t think about it again. Until last night…

Like any other night, I listened to Ben talk about how tired he was. I watched him fall asleep, and then looked over at his open closet. His shoes lay scattered in the bottom, and his seasoned uniforms cluttered the majority of his space. Why does he do this job? I found myself asking deeper than before. Is it just to get a paycheck? His pay doesn’t do justice to the amount of life he pours into his job. Is it because it’s all he’s really ever known? Or could it be….just maybe…he understands something I don’t? Could it be because He knows this is the calling God has placed on his life? Is this the beautiful role God has planned for him? I’m beginning to think the latter is true. I’ve never seen someone work so hard to improve the morale and efficiency of a workplace. Or be more willing to take on this new partner, change shifts, or help this new ride-along student. God has no doubt gifted Ben with the ability to be secretly wonderful. A secretly wonderful paramedic.

In my own selfishness and prideful attitude, I took every opportunity to boast about my husband being employed as a fireman back home. Especially after 9/11. After that horrific event, there was just something even more special about firefighters, police officers, and soldiers. They were the “important ones.” The “heroes.” I wore his firefighter status as a badge of honor, and even began to turn my nose at EMS workers and volunteer firefighters. I knew it was wrong, but please, I was the wife of a firefighter moving up the ladder of significance, and eligible to retire at the age of 40. My life had meaning because of his status. Ben’s life had purpose.

I’ve not always been one to jump when God says jump, but a few times when we lived in New Mexico He said do something, and I basically threw a fit until we were obedient. (I am not condoning fit throwing, but I am encouraging obedience.) The first test of obedience came when we were called to leave our church home. The second was when we were called to leave our families and everything we knew…including Ben’s firefighter position.

In what seemed like only a few short months, Ben turned in his fire uniforms. We were off to a foreign land (Illinois) where he would serve as an EMT-Basic. Basic. That word flashed in neon lights in my selfish brain for a while. Ben was so much MORE than a basic. (Oh good grief how awful my thought process was!) It got better as time went on, because Ben was soon to become a medic. A paramedic in fact. That title meant more experience, more success, more special. Right…

Ben is currently 6 months away from celebrating five years as an EMT/Paramedic for the state of Illinois…and I couldn’t be more proud of him!

As God began to lay this blog on my heart, Ben (unknowingly contributing) showed me a Facebook post one of his friends posted. It was a picture of (I believe) an ambulance or a stethoscope with a phrase that read:

“We are the ones they call to save your life, but to you we are still just ambulance drivers.”

I have to tell you it may have been meant to be funny, but it broke my heart. It hit me hard. Like “punch in the chest, fall to your knees, beg for forgiveness, you should be ashamed of yourself” kind of hard. As a stay-at-home mom I feel overwhelmed, under appreciated, and even forgotten at times. That feeling makes me sick to my stomach. And yet, here I stand giving my husband and other EMS workers the same treatment. I clean up messes, stop arguments, bandage wounds, fix meals, and mop floors…but at least I get hugs, kisses, smiles, and random I love you and heart filled cards. I get flowers and gifts and thank yous on my special day. 

In case you are not aware, EMS workers often respond to calls unarmed, and to unstable environments. They have to attempt to revive a newborn baby as his parents watch their incredible efforts return unsuccessful. They have to comfort a scared spouse, watch the couple about to celebrate 60 years of marriage have to plan a funeral instead, watch as small children are separated from their irresponsible caregivers, and respond to horrific calls that involve one of their own. They are spit at, bled on, cursed at, and questioned. They are worn out, away from their families at night, and don’t get holidays off.

Just like all the wonderful men and women who serve our country in the military, as firefighters (employed and volunteer), and police officers…our EMS workers are more than just ambulance drivers. I pray we will remember this. And I want you to know, I wear Ben’s paramedic role in my heart. What God has called him to do, and who God made him to be means more to me than words can describe.

In thinking of this blog, God showed me a song. I felt its lyrics were only appropriate. 

“You are a renegade, You’re an outlaw of Love’s crusade.

And they don’t know who you are.

They don’t know. They don’t know.

But Love does.

I’m telling you, Love does.”

So if you are an EMS worker reading this…THANK YOU! May our Heavenly Father bless you for all your efforts. You are not just secretly wonderful….but wonderful indeed!

In Christ Always,

 Summer

P.s. They may not know it, but Love does! God knows!

Restless

I have a special poem I would like to share with you. (Backstory) A new friend of mine, a wonderful author by the name of Jennie Allen, recently unveiled the name of her latest Bible study. This study is to be released in January of 2014, I believe, and is entitled Restless.

Restless. I think we all feel restless every now and again, but I couldn't have come up with a better word to describe my life at this moment. I feel restless. I love how God uses someone else to give the description of the chaos that is another person's emotions. How He helps us realize just how much we can relate to our brothers and sisters in Christ.

Restless. As I stood yesterday washing my dishes, I thought of how exciting it will be to do Jennie's study! But then a few minutes into my thought process I found myself holding my hands in front of me, and starring at them. Tears began to role down my cheeks, and the Lord gave me the first and last lines of a beautiful poem. I quickly dried my hands, grabbed the nearest writing utensil, and began writing words He laid on my heart. The following poem is the end result of my dishwashing experience. I know these words were intended for me that day, but I also know they are intended for you this day. Enjoy, and praise You Lord for these words.

Restless

My hands long to stretch across the world, but steady by my side they remain.

The reason why, I do not know. It’s difficult to explain.

My head is spinning. I want to make a difference. My soul seems to cry out still.

But He says “be still your soul sweet child, and seek only My perfect Will.

Be okay with what I’ve willed for you. It’s beautiful this role.

All I ask is do not worry, instead be ready for Me to control.

The little things you label nothing, in My Kingdom are of great worth.

They bring glory to My Name; a purpose set before your birth.

Walk by faith and not by sight. My ways are not your ways.

Lean not on your own understanding, and seek Me to guide your days.

A platform or a remembered name so many people seek.

Yet I have called you to share My name, and to be My hands and feet.

You long to help a stranger, a widow, a beggar; help them all.

But for now, I say teach My Name to those babies down the hall.

All of this is for your good. On my promises won’t you stand?

Wait for me. Wait patiently. And I will stretch your hands.”

Thank You Father God.

Much Love,

-Summer

My Boys Melt My Heart

Okay...so two things happened today that made me want to laugh and cry at the same time. First, Wesley and Jake decided they wanted to play Rock, Paper, Scissors while riding in the back of the van today. Just so you are all aware, this is one of Wesley's favorite games, and he will make sure he wins at all costs...even if it means making up a move to take down the competition....

Event One

(Summer is driving the van listening in on the boys' conversation.)
Jake: "Wes, let's play Rock, Paper, Scissors."
Wesley: "Ok."
Jake: "Rock, paper, scissors shoot....(followed by a huge sigh)...no Wes, the sun does not melt the scissors."

Lol! That has made me laugh all day! That boy will try anything!

Event Two
This one speaks for itself. Jake has been talking a lot about God lately, and about how he believes in Jesus and trusts him. This is a poem he wrote today....

Joy, Joy, Joy
by Jacob Black

I like to play with my friends,
That brings me joy.
I like General Grievous; he's my new toy,
That brings me joy.
When Gran and Grandad visit me,
That brings me joy.
Playing tickle fights and wrestling with my family,
That brings me joy.
I like school and Ms. Keppler,
That brings me joy.
I like God and I trust Jesus,
And that brings me joy.

How can you read this and not smile! :)

Love you all!
Summer

Forgotten

Forgotten. This word has been seared into my brain for the past month. Not as a negative term, but as a reminder of our next community Bible study with our Beth Moore conference prep team. I wasn't able to attend the first two meetings, and whined to my friend Kim about my inability to go. She sweetly reminded me that when I was supposed to go, God would get me there. I had actually forgotten about my two minute whining session until I sat down to journal my thoughts today. Boy was my friend right!

Well, enough with the whining! I was determined to attend the Forgotten study. My husband was off work, no other plans had been made, I signed up to help (therefore obligated), and I was going!  

Before the study began, my job was to assist in photographing each woman as she came in. The plan was to take a picture with a sign that read "I AM NOT FORGOTTEN," then use multiple props to take silly pictures. Although I understood the seriousness of the topic that night, it was easier for me to get lost in the Elton John-esque glasses, pink boa, and green zebra cowboy hat than to really face the topic of study...that was until I sat down at my table. I began to read the questions posed on a worksheet we were given, and I suddenly longed for my cute glasses and pink boa. Forgotten. Had I ever felt forgotten? I wanted to write a simple yes, but my heart was screaming all the time. It was embarrassing to realize that I felt forgotten. I have lots of people who love me, surround me, and support me. I serve a God who absolutely loves me, provides for me, protects me. But in the midst of all of these people and My Heavenly Father...I felt completely forgotten. Those words make me cringe just thinking about them in the comfort of my own brain, but they make me physically hurt as I write them. (I feel like I should add a disclaimer here. Please understand that not one individual or certain group of people has made me feel this way intentionally. I know that I allowed myself to feel this emotion, and chose not to share my feelings with anyone.)

I wanted so badly to shake every emotion that was entering my body at that point; I felt ungrateful, selfish, bad. I began to mentally break apart relationships in my life, and scanned my daily calendar. I recalled texts, emails, Facebook messages, letters, phone calls, and conversations I had been a part of recently. Service opportunities I had been asked or offered to be a part of flooded my mind, and then it all hit me like a ton of bricks. I seemed to be the initiator in most of those conversations, unless I was needed for something. I was determined, and loved, helping my friends, family, strangers, and my church...but who had my back? All of these realizations began to sting my heart,and the study hadn't even started yet!

 Priscilla Shirer appeared on two massive screens in our meeting room and my heart started pounding. What was she going to say, and would her words settle the internal emotions I was experiencing? She began to tell a story about a shopping trip she had with her two young sons. She told how her younger son spotted a lifeless sparrow lying on the sidewalk of a busy shopping area. Her sons asked her a million questions about the bird, but the one question that caught her heart was "Mom, why hasn't anybody noticed this bird?" Here she took us into Luke 12. Jesus was telling a story about the fifth sparrow. The fifth sparrow wasn't worth much to the people in the market place at that time, but it meant something to God. He explained that not one sparrow is forgotten by God. Not one! The verses go on to tell us that "Indeed, the very hairs of your heads are all numbered. Don't be afraid, you are worth more than many sparrows."

I sat at my table feeling forgotten. Feeling like that fifth sparrow. My health was struggling, I was in need of tests, possible surgeries, and medications far too expensive for my family to afford. My mind began spinning about other things going on in my life, my call to leave the workforce, move away from my extended family, and serve in my home. I wake up every morning determined to live and love like Jesus, but sat there questioning my calling, my purpose.

As Kim and I drove home I decided to enjoy our visit, and not dive too deeply into reflection. When I pulled up to my house, I got out of the car and noticed something lying motionless on our sidewalk. A lump suddenly entered my throat, and my stomach sank. I fought back tears as I went inside and talked with my husband. The lifeless object lying on our sidewalk was a bird. I asked Ben what kind of a bird it was, and he answered "Oh, it's just an old sparrow." Just an old sparrow. The fifth sparrow. In that moment God revealed to me the very statement I held up for my picture an hour earlier. I AM NOT FORGOTTEN. "Don't be afraid (Summer); you are worth more than many sparrows."

I am an extremely detailed person, so I'm not sure why it surprised me that God would send me a message in this way. I knew the next morning the sparrow needed to be buried, and again God provided the details. As the door slammed behind me, I looked up to see a shovel leaning against our garage, ready to break ground. The wind began to blow harder and my heart started to beat out of my chest. Tears rolled down my cheeks, and my knees began to buckle as I turned up a few piles of wet ground. My heart was screaming Thank You Lord for not forgetting me! When I tried to speak, all that would come from my lips were whales of gratefulness. I placed the bird in its final resting place, turned to walk back into our house, and the wind stopped completely. The rain drizzle started to slow, and the most glorious sunshine broke through the clouds. I began to laugh through the tears in my eyes, as I stood in amazement at what just happened. God had not forgotten me. Today I stand on His promise that He never will!

What about you? Have you ever felt forgotten? (Forgive me if I have made you feel this way.) Take heart my friends, because God does not forget a single sparrow, and you are worth more than many sparrows. He has not forgotten you, and He never will.