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Love One Another (Jamie's Story)

The events of yesterday had been planned for at least two weeks. I was to attend multiple meetings, boys in tote, run some errands, and meet mom. Some plans changed, others stayed the same. But something unexpected happened yesterday that shook the very ground I walk on. It pierced my heart and stung to the depths of my soul.

The boys and I drove to Childress to meet mom, Aunt Rhonda, and Mimi for lunch at Dairy Queen. I knew our visit would be short, but we are always glad to hug their necks. We left Childress and rushed to Vernon for our meeting. By the time we got there, I was already two minutes late and praying I had all the necessary paperwork. The three of us rushed inside, the boys took a seat by the toy section of the front room, and I stood waiting to be called back. A few minutes passed, then I was greeted by a tiny, beautiful Hispanic woman we’ll call Jamie. Jamie was all smiles and even took time to talk to the boys as they sat playing. She and I went to her office, she sat behind her computer entering data, and we continued to talk.

Jamie wondered why my name was the only adult on our paperwork, and I quickly explained that Ben and I were at the beginning of a divorce. The smile that had been so revealing of a woman content with her day, suddenly turned into the look of hurt and desperation. She began to share events from her own life, and I soon found myself longing to comfort her with any words God would allow me to muster up. All I could tell her was that God has been so faithful to provide for us, and that He alone was comforting us. She spoke of her children, and I assured her that God is capable of protecting their hearts, as well. As I spoke, she handed me a verse someone in her family had given to her to hold on to. Jamie explained to me that she did not have a relationship with God, and neither did her children. Her family had been encouraging her to visit local churches, and she admitted that she needed to.

 As Jamie talked I noticed some scratches on her arm. I tried to keep from staring at them, and hoped they were merely from a pet cat or something. A few minutes later I was able to look away from the scratches, but in explaining her desperation with life, she suddenly showed me her arm. They were not scratches. They were freshly scabbed cuts to her wrist. This precious woman had become so hurt and felt so defeated that cutting herself was all she felt she could do. Satan had convinced her that she was nothing more than a failure, and that her family would be better off without her. But God…He said no! As she showed me her arm, I suddenly felt the Holy Spirit enter that office. I looked her in the eye, reached to grab her arm, and told her how much God loved her. I explained that He did not want this (the cutting) for her life. The next thing I knew we both jumped up from our seats, I hugged her, and prayed with her as she stood shaking and crying. I begged God to consume her with peace, for her to come to know Jesus. After a few minutes of praying, we returned to our seats and finished our meeting.

I encouraged Jamie to call or text me any time of the day or night. She explained that she was so thankful God brought us there that day, and I agreed. What a blessing it was to meet her! Jamie stated that she rarely meets people like me. Haha. Like me? It was God! God came into that office, God touched that woman’s heart, and God showed her what it means to be loved by Him! I’m ecstatic to find out what He does in her life, and in the lives of her children!

Through this experience God showed me once again, that nothing is coincidence with Him! Not only that, but He uses our every day situations as opportunities to show Christ to people! To show them what it means to be loved, held, cared for! This is our mission field. Our every day lives are not happenstance…they are God ordained and calculated and guided and provided for! I’m reminded of the verse in Job 5:9. Which I just happen to have posted at my computer. “He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted.” I used to read this verse and think of things such as rainbows, the birth of children, shooting stars, the ocean, etc. Now I can read it and understand that while those things are great wonders and miracles, so are our every day encounters with other people. I pray we take each breath knowing that God may use it to encourage someone, or help them understand their worth. I pray that we will love people with every fiber of our being, and do it until Jesus returns or calls us home! In case you are wondering….God loves you, too! He doesn’t want stress, fear, and hurting to consume your life. He loves you, and you need Him! I’m here if YOU need to talk or pray! I love you my brothers and sisters; I cannot put into words just how much!

In Jesus Christ Always,

 Summer

Winds of Change

Oh, the winds of change are blowing. Blowing harder, stronger, and in directions I never thought possible...

 This blog is something I’ve long contemplated writing. Is it necessary? I’m still not sure to be honest. Will it help? I think so. It will help me and it will help you to understand. Over the past few months I have gotten lots of emails and Facebook messages regarding the confusion within my posts. Some of the messages were merely asking where we had been, because some of you had not seen my family at our regular church or around town. My hope is that once you read this, the confusion will be no more. Hopefully it will leave you with an understanding of our new lives, and give you something specific to pray about. 

I’m sure if you’re reading this, you too have experienced something in your life unplanned…unexpected. Life has brought you to a place you would have never dreamed, but you have been able (by the grace of God) to move on…to start anew. This is where our family finds itself. The boys and I have recently moved to the state of Texas to be near my family. I’m interviewing for teaching positions, and the boys will return to public school this fall. I could get into details, but I’d rather not. Please know that love and forgiveness remain, and although tempted to become bitter, my heart understands that I am free...and my God has the victory over this situation. I am finding myself again, and figuring out the role God has for me in this life. I honestly love this journey of growing closer to God (even if the pain becomes unbearable), and although we are dealing with a great deal of hurt and healing…I’m finding there is such beauty when our hurt and our Healer collide!

God is opening so many new doors in our lives, and restoring relationships like I never thought possible! He’s bringing people into my life that are such blessings, and providing for us in ways only He can! The outpouring of love and support we have gotten has been quite overwhelming, but wonderful! I still go to my mailbox each day to find a card of encouragement from a sweet sister in Christ! Those cards mean more than anyone can realize!

We are so blessed to be back home. The boys and I are enjoying this season of our lives, and I would just ask that you would continue to lift our family up in prayer. Life is changing, and God is changing it very quickly! Pray that we will stay strong and hold on to Him! He has told me that our family may seem like we are in the thick of weeds right now, but to stand on His promise that we will be made into a fragrant garden! I'm standing on that promise! <3 

Diary of a Tired Mom (Determined to Rest in the Peace of God) Entry:April 1, 2014

Many have asked how I'm doing. Thank you so much for thinking of me. Of us.

Wish I could tell you I have it all together. I don't. Never have. Never will. But, I know Who does!

Wish I could say that life gets easier. It doesn't. It's not going to. But, I know Who I can grow closer to in the midst of the chaos.

Wish I could say the hurting will stop soon. I can't, because it won't. But, I do know Whose presence I can find peace and rest in in the midst of hurting.

Wish I could say the tears have stopped, they haven't. But the promise was they will be dried when I get to Heaven.

Wish I could say my joy hasn't been taken from me. It has. But the joy I have in Christ...hasn't been touched! It stands because although I'm shaking, He stands!

This, my life, right now... is what it means to be held. This is what it means to fall into the embrace of Jesus as my legs give way to the overwhelming weight of this world. He will hold me up when I'm tired and worn. I'm tired. I'm worn. He will give me new strength, and He will make my path straight when He is ready for me to run again. THIS is what it means to be held, carried, strengthened, encouraged, equipped, and blessed because of obedience and Grace. Seek Him in all that you do. Lord, my prayer is that I seek You in all that I do! This (and only this) is how I get through each day.

John 16:33

New International Version (NIV)

³³ “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

Indoor Family Fun

As many of you know and are experiencing, many people have yet another stay home day due to the crazy weather. Last night I went to bed exhausted from being snowed in for two days, and kind of dreaded today. But this morning I decided we needed to have a family fun day. I can’t get anywhere for extra supplies, so I’ve been coming up with ideas using random things around the house. All of this wording simply to say…here are some cool ideas for you to do with your kids today! And if you don’t have kids at home with you, DO IT YOURSELF!

1)      Build a Volcano

You can use sand if you happen to have a sandbox in your house (right), or we used poster board, a tin lid for the base, and playdough Tape posterboad around a cup, cover it with playdough, put 1tbsp of baking soda and food coloring inside the cup, pour in 1 cup of vinegar when you’re ready for the explosion. Do it tons of times with different colors of food coloring!

2)      Egg Drop

Have your kids come up with ways to keep an egg from breaking when you drop it from different heights. If you have a staircase this has the potential to be awesome, but if not, you can still drop it while standing on a chair, a ladder, etc.

3)      Coloring Fun

If you own coloring books, set them on the table and everyone color together. You can even print pictures from the Internet. This sounds far too boring to some kids and parents, but coloring with my Papaw is one of my favorite memories! We did this even when I was well out of high school!

4)      Baking/Cooking

Make breakfast for supper, bake a small cake and let your kids decorate it, cookies, muffins, snow ice cream, or fried pickles! Possibilities are endless, and kids love it!

Google the recipe for making your own playdough. Some of you may even already have one. It’s a great opportunity for kids to measure, work together, listen to directions, and then play with their final product!

5)      Board games, puzzles, cards

The boys and I love to play Sorry! Monopoly is a blast for older kids, but it can be taxing for the younger ones. Try UNO, goldfish, puzzles, spoons, Phase 10, Trouble, or any game you have that they might enjoy.

6)      Family Movie

Let your kids pick a movie. Pop popcorn (you can even string it for something extra…using needles and string/yarn), or have a party plate with all kinds of goodies on it! We do sweets and fruits/veggies!

7)      Sock Help

Have your kids help you match socks. You can even have them race each other! Have socks spread out on two ends of a room. They have to hurry and find a match (one from each pile), then they throw them in the laundry basket to “score.” Winner is the first one to complete all their matches.

8)      Cleaning Fun

Let (notice I say let, because we know it’s easier just to do these things) your kids wash dishes in the sink. I know…I’m a country girl and dish washers were created for a reason…but kids love to help clean if we give them the chance. Especially when water and warm bubbles are involved! You could give them gloves, an apron, a cleaning brush, etc.

You can also let your kids mop the kitchen (or other rooms). Bucket of soap and water, towels, and they will have a blast making a mess and cleaning your floors.

9)      Shaving Cream

Before you have the kids mop your floor, let them play with shaving cream! You can tape wax paper on the floor and they can have at it! Add cars or other small and easily cleaned toys!

10)  Tents and Tunnels

Now is the perfect time to break out any tent or tunnel you have hidden or tried to pretend isn’t there. You know your kids love these, and it will keep them busy and excited because it’s something they probably don’t do every day.

11)  Build a fort

If you’re like me, I don’t like it when my livingroom is turned into a fort. I’m a little OCD with that, but I want my boys to be able to build forts like I did when I was a kid. So…if you can brave it, let them build a fort out of your couches, pillows, blankets, and chairs. A) None of your friends will come over today because they are snowed in, too and it’s freezing outside! B) It’s just for a day and your kids will remember it forever! 

12)  Toys

Just make them play with toys. I say MAKE because if your kids are like mine, they often just want to play on their Kindles, the Wii, or any other form of electronic device that captivates them for long periods of time. I find that if I will go into THEIR room, and sit down and play with them for a few minutes they are prone to be excited about the toys, and I’ve just SHOWN them how to play. I think we assume they will come up with something, when it never hurts to give them ideas and let them expand on them! How will they know what it means to “go play” if we don’t teach them??

13)  Slip N Slide

If you have a slick surface anywhere in your house, let your kids skate in their socks or slide in wind suit pants! They will be entertained for hours! Just make sure furniture and other things are out of the way so they won’t get hurt.

14)  Paper Art

      It’s amazing what kids will create when they are given paper and glue. Have them tear (using fine   motor skills) tissue paper, construction paper, etc. and glue it on another sheet of paper. They can create whatever their little hearts desire. They can do this at the table while you are busy doing something else or need alone time.

15)  Bath Fun

We all know how relaxing it is when we are given the opportunity to take an uninterrupted shower! Well, kids are no different! They love the water! Let them take an extra bath! Throw in bubbles, toys, cups, etc.

You may be doing most of these things already, but I hope you find this information helpful during this winter craziness! 

2013 In Review

This post is actually in connection to the last one I wrote entitled “Music of My Heart.” At the end of Ann Voskamp’s story, she encourages her readers to not only fall forward into the new year, but LOOK forward to experiences where we can give God all the glory! Not to-do lists, but give-God-the-glory lists! It made me start thinking about 2013. Underneath all my fears for 2014, lie the amazing and indescribable surprises and blessings God has given me THIS year! Want to hear about ‘em? Continue reading….they’re pretty cool!

  1)   I spent the year watching football and baseball games with my Benamin. We also got to spend time fishing and riding in his new boat. As small and insignificant as it may sound, those were some of the highlights of my year! When we can come together and talk and watch and cheer and dream and
 be ridiculously competitive….it just makes me smile!

    2)      We celebrated Jake’s 8^th birthday in July, and Wesley’s 6^th birthday in February. Birthdays are my go-time for our boys. I go all out and would do it all again just to see the smiles on their faces! This was Jake’s first year to have a party away from our house with friends. We took him and a few of his buddies to the bowling alley. They tore it up, had a blast, and even got some game time at the arcades. To him, it was his initiation into big kid-dom. Wes had the coolest ninja turtle birthday ever! We covered our entire living room and dining room with black plastic, set out slime and empty pizza boxes. Ben even added graffiti on the walls. Loved it! I’ve got to one-up it this year…hmmm…kid wants Angry Birds! (Oh! And we got Rosie around Valentine's Day!)

3)      In June, although under rough circumstances, I was blessed with the chance to visit Alaska. You read right. Alaska! My sister’s family is stationed there for a second time, and this was something I wouldn’t dare pass up! God gave me a wonderful week to spend with my sister, niece, and nephews. I saw landscapes so breathtakingly beautiful that every picture I took looks photo-shopped. I was able to pray with my family, cry with them, help, and just talk Jesus with my little family. God knew my heart wanted to get closer to my nieces and nephews and He allowed that to happen on this trip! I will never forget the people I met along the way, or the places He allowed me to visit.

4)      The boys and I completed our first Fall homeschool semester. This was huge for me, as I just didn’t know what to expect. I cried because I didn’t get to take them school shopping or receive an email from their soon-to-be teachers. But we know they are supposed to be home with us, and are at peace with our decision to continue to teach them here.

    5) This year marked another blessed year of getting to lead and be a part of multiple Bible studies. I never thought I would love any Bible study experience more than my first Stuck study…but God just raises the surprise level with each passing session! Women are breaking free of issues that have weighed them down for far too long, they are falling more and more in love with God and I couldn’t be more blessed in getting a front row seat to watch it all happen! Excited to see what God has in store for these women and for me in connection to other studies! 

6)      Friendships and high school. I was blessed to see my friend Beth early this year, and will see her again next week! We get to visit via text and FB, but words can’t describe how wonderful it is to be able to hug her neck at least once a year! Sarah! I got to see my high school bestie Sarah…while in Alaska! Isn’t that awesome? It was just another hug from God to be able to see her and meet her sweet little girl. High school. I also attended my 10 year high school reunion this fall. I knew I was anxious to see everyone, but it made my heart so happy when the time finally arrived! They may not realize it, but they were and still are missed and prayed for! Once you’re a friend of mine, you’re a friend for life. We had lots of meaningful conversations and took memorable pictures. I won’t forget that time or those peeps. God has also blessed me with the growing of my friendships here in Illinois! Beyond thankful for them! We got to attend concerts, go to the movies, go shopping, go eat, and just have girl time!

7)      In mid-October God gave the boys and I the opportunity to visit my parents for their 40^th wedding anniversary. How exciting! I was able to drive down and throw them a small party. While it wasn’t huge or fancy, it was perfect! Their close friends were able to attend, and we all had a really nice time. (We also got to celebrate Dad's birthday when we came up before.)

While down for the anniversary party, I helped mom and dad move my Mimi into their house. This was very difficult for everyone involved, but an experience I’m so grateful I was able to participate in and help with. We love our Mimi so, and the move has been good for her.

    8)  Time with my boys. This year was filled with Legos, Minecraft, Angry Birds, Ninja Turtles, and Sonic. We can't leave out Star Wars, Mario Bros. Wii, bike riding, trampoline, road trips, skating, movies, party nights, board games, wrestling, and playing with our new dog Rosie. Wesley prayed to receive Christ on December 7th, and my heart was blessed when Jake helped witness to him and pray for/with him. These guys continue to amaze me, and I've never been more grateful to be chosen as their mom!

9)    Ben and I celebrated our 10 year wedding anniversary this year. He had to work that day, so we got up and had a yummy breakfast together before he headed out. I designed a video full of pictures from our years together, and loved so much getting to make, watch, and share it! The next day we were able to go to Red Lobster for lunch…we do this every year and it’s one of my favorite things to do with my favorite person!

     10)  In October of this year…on my birthday (25^th) in fact…I had the massive blessing of attending the LPL with Beth Moore conference here in Springfield. While it could have been just another conference, this was so much more. I had helped prepare and promote and pray for this conference. For the first time in my life I was blessed with the opportunity to be deeply involved in an event that would take over almost 7,000 women’s lives for a weekend! How exciting it was! The surprises God had in store for us and for me personally were unbelievable! Not only did I get a front row seat, a chance to pray over the women, a new autographed Bible, and a sweet card…God allowed me to meet the people behind the scenes of the event, have a wonderful girls’ weekend with life long friends, and meet Beth Moore and Travis Cottrell themselves! Girl sat in front of me! Ecstatic? Yes! Yes I was! And still am! The opportunity to experience God and the Holy Spirit in that way…words can’t even begin to describe! It was life changing! God is still changing me through this experience! He is so faithful! 

I pray this New Year (2014) is full of blessings and good things for your family! May God grow you and fill you as He is so faithful to do! Much love dear friends!

Music of My Heart

When it comes to the end of another year, I tend to freak out. Yep. We’re talkin’ panic attack-mode, 

internal chaos, drive myself crazy kind of freak out. Maybe it’s because I know a new year means a new opportunity to set a new resolution I will ultimately fail at. Another summer I don’t dare buy a bathing suit and refuse to step on the scale. Another year of not getting out of debt or living my dream. The reality is that a new year is upon us and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. I have 2 choices:

1) Dread the new year’s coming and give myself an ulcer worrying about it (which Scripture clearly tells us in Matthew 6 that it helps nothing so refrain from doing so). 2) Embrace the gift of a new year God has given my family and I. Another opportunity to live for Him. Another opportunity to learn about Him. Another chance to witness, dream, and live this beautiful life He’s given! Duh! I want to choose the second option! But why is it so easy to type, yet so difficult to live out? Oh, right. BECAUSE I’M HUMAN! The truth is, if we’re honest with ourselves and before God…you’re scared, too. We fear the new year, are discontent with our blessings, or are at the very least holding on to guilt of failure from this year. If you don’t think you belong in any of these categories…what a blessing that is in and of itself!

I normally post things on FB and get some likes and responses. Rarely do I get questions. My friend Seth asked me yesterday if anyone is actually scared of New Year’s Eve, and upon learning that I am, asked why? I had to think about how to put my seemingly crazy thoughts into words. Like God is always so faithful to do, He quickly gave me confidence to be honest about my fear. That’s right. I’m not a perfect person, and I have lots of fears. He also showed me a blog written and shared by the great Ann Voskamp. Yah, I know right? She struggles with this, too? Yes. SHE’S HUMAN, TOO! Her blog used a music scenario (again, God knows how much music is a part of me).

Like Ann, my fear of a new year stems from the realization that failures, fallen plans, unexpected hurts, new struggles, and unfulfilled dreams have made their marks all over this year. I need a do-over. I need a reset button. I just don’t feel ready to move forward until I can “fix” or fulfill my past year. As I think about the “things” I want a do-over with, it all seems quite silly. For example, I am 15 lbs. shy of my goal weight for the year. Really? Now why in the world couldn’t I have skipped a few helpings of mashed potatoes, or servings of pasta to lose that? Sigh. I only sang two specials at church this year, my kitchen and garage are no where near organized, I’ve yet to find a satisfactory homeschool schedule, we are still in debt, I’m not really eating healthier, I’ve yet to start either of my books, we didn’t even make it out of town for our anniversary, and my Scripture memory goal is far from met. See. Do-ever worthy. Isn’t it?

Just as Ann wrote “how do you step hopeful into the next year when you tripped messy through this last year? How do you stand brave with the smiling rest and ring in the new year when the old year still feels a bit like a milestone around the neck?” She goes on to encourage her readers with an experience her daughter had at a piano lesson. Her daughter (Hope) was nervous and shaking. When it was her turn to sit at the piano, she began to play multiple wrong notes. While she could have bailed on the piece, Hope managed to not allow herself to get distracted from the other girl’s success, or her missed notes. She began to feel the  music. She dove into it as if nothing had gone wrong. As Ann tells it, she moved forward. 

 The music of my heart has been the same all year long. Even now, in the midst of my fear, it sings a song of gratefulness to God for the many blessings He has given me this year. It plays to the tune of a hope in Jesus like I’ve never known before. He gives me a piece to play. When I choose to play along with Him, it can be so beautiful! But it’s times like New Year’s Eve that I tend to put the music of my heart on mute and focus on the wrong notes I’ve hit this year. So much so, that I just eventually stop playing. These wrong notes…the times I attempt to take my life in my own hands. When I try to move forward without God, disobey Him because of discontentment, fear, or selfishness…

Well, as of now the mute button is off! I’m more than determined to listen to the music of my heart! Just like Peter, I tend to keep talking and trying and providing solutions….when I just need to listen. Keep playing the notes I’m given. Move forward! I’m listening to the music playing in my heart so loudly as I write this, I can’t help but smile! I’m determined to stand brave with the smiling rest and smile with them. Not a fake smile, but a genuine know-God-has-plans-for-me-and-I-trust-Him smile! I’m moving forward. I know that I will hit the wrong keys from time to time. This has the potential to be humiliating, nerve-racking, and confusing. But Jesus is the music of my heart…He’s my Teacher. My Teacher Who will forgive my mistakes and guide my hands to the correct next notes. As Ann wrote, “Failing is really a gaining experience. Fall into whatever comes next. Fear is always the first step of faith. When a piece starts to fall apart-fall forward. Fall forward into the next year. Moving forward is what makes music.”

Before I leave you with this blog, I want to encourage you to fall with me. Like a father catches his child as they leap forward into his arms, so our Heavenly Father will surely catch us as we fall forward into His! 

Thank you Ann Voskamp! Thank You Father God! 

Phil 3:13-14

 ¹³ Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, ¹⁴ I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Please check out Ann Voskamp’s blog! You will love it! My explanation of her story doesn't do her words justice! Check it out! :) 

http://www.aholyexperience.com/2013/12/how-to-move-forward-into-the-new-year-when-you-feel-like-you-failed-the-last-year/